For adults, Christmas time is all about spending time with loved ones and enjoying time off from work. Speaking as a former child, many kids don’t care about any of that; instead, for them, Christmas is all about presents. One young boy certainly felt that way after he was so disappointed with his haul that he just had to let Santa know he’d failed miserably at his one and only job.

Jeremy wrote to Santa the day after Christmas to express his dissatisfaction with Santa’s efforts. “Deer Santa,” he wrote, “I am riting this on the day after x-mas and I am very sad. I only receeved 1 of the 2 presents I asked for. Sense you ate my cookies I will asoom that my missing gift was a miss take. I will give you 1 week too fix this. Jeremy.”

Jeremy doesn’t explain what will happen after one week is up, but it sounds ominous. Is Santa going to die in seven days like the victims in The Ring? Will Jeremy be the one to kill him? Am I incredibly morbid? These are all great mysteries with no clear answers.

“Santa,” aka Jeremy’s parents who slacked off in the gift-giving department and then blamed it on Saint Nick, decided to respond, writing, “Dear Jeremy, I’m sorry you are disappointed with your presents. You asked for two very expensive presents, and Santa can only do so much. You need to learn to be grateful for what you have, not upset about what you don’t. If you continue to complain I will have no choice but to add you to the naughty list next year. Santa.”

Shots fired.

Jeremy wasn’t going to take that lying down, though. His response: “Deer Fatty, Your threats don’t scare me. I played your game and you did not deliver. This is not ok. I will give you one week and then you will pay. Jeremy. P.S. I don’t know why you care that it is expensive when you have elf slaves to make things for you. I think you are naughty for having slaves.”

He’s got you there, Santa — slavery is definitely worse than complaining about only getting one present.

Santa, who has nothing better to do after Christmas than beef with children via written correspondence, replied to Jeremy and let him know he had instructed Jeremy’s parents to confiscate his Wii U. In Jeremy’s final letter, the gloves truly came off: “Deer Santa, I do not like that stunt you pulled with my parents. You are on my naughty list now. Be afraid. You look slow and easy to kill. Enjoy your cookys next year because they will be poison. I hope you die. Jeremy.”

Jeremy’s parents should probably stop letting him watch The Sopranos before bed. The safety of Santa Claus, and untold other victims, depends on it.